I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
