She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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