dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want her autograph on my taint
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
