he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
