they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
