There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
