I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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