had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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