yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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