he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
