I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
