I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
