My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
