so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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