Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
