i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
