I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
