I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
