just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
