Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
