Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
