i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want to make out with him forever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
