You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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