dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
