paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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