So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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