belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is my gift to your gina
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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