new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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