I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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