so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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