eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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