You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
