the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize