I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
