I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i love accidental penises.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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