he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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