So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize