Where did you get a picture of my penis
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
