Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
