Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
