Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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