His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
