I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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