Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize