my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
40s are totally the cure
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
