So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
