he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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