the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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