remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
