I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
