drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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