My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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