So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
