didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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