I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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