I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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