When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
