Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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