I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
