Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
