im six kinds of drunk right now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
