Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
