im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
