they need to just BURY HIM!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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