I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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