My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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