my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
