I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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