At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
