Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
