hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
