I want to make a zoo with you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
